If you are remotely introspective, reflective and open to learning from your experiences – and if you’ve ever been “in love” – then you might agree that the “lessons” to be learned are endless. Love can be a profound experience, one that often defies logic, rationale and common sense. The heart wants what the heart wants…which is not always aligned with the rest of you.
Lesson # 1: Your gut is your guide.
Listen to it. It exists for a reason and serves a purpose. Had I listened to my gut – my internal and moral compass – I wouldn’t have married the person I did. Don’t get me wrong. I do not regret my decision to marry the person I did, loved him very much at the time, and took my wedding vows very seriously but, in hindsight, I knew something was wrong, almost from the beginning, and too often I hear the same story from others…that they knew – as they walked down the aisle – that something wasn’t right.
When something isn’t sitting right inside you, when you have an “icky” yet indescribable feeling, when there is a discomfort or pit in your stomach that you can’t quite pin down…that’s your gut and it’s talking to you. Listen to it. A brilliant woman I once had the pleasure of working with during my healing journey said simply: If it feels yucky, then it’s yucky.
Lesson # 2: Compatibility trumps chemistry.
Although it’s that elusive “chemistry” that most of us seem to be chasing, it’s not usually what forms the foundation of a healthy and sustainable relationship. Chemistry might bridge the gap from strangers to lovers but it’s not the glue that keeps couples together…compatibility is. When you’re compatible it means that you share similar values, morals, parenting styles, lifestyles and relationship goals (to name a few).
When you resent someone for their actions (or lack of) it should be an alert to yourself that you have unresolved feelings which require processing and follow through.