Pre-date etiquette. Is there such a thing? For example – who does the asking out? Is it appropriate for women to ask men out? Who plans the date?
As recently as when the baby boomer generation was dating there were universally understood “rules” and etiquette around dating, courtship and marriage. Whether one followed those rules was their choice, however, they likely knew what they were. Today – with the advent of technology, the feminist movement, blurred gender roles and expectations, alternative forms of “relationship” and a host of other societal factors – there do not seem to be universal rules to follow. There is a lot of confusion in the world of dating and the daters I know are often seeking guidance.
I believe that anything goes these days. Women are far more independent than they were even 15 years ago and, as a result, are more confident going after what they want…including men.
Once a date has been arranged – who plans where to go, what to do?
Some people believe that whoever did the inviting should do the planning. Some people think that it should always be the man. There is no right or wrong. Each dater has their own set of values and expectations and the key is in communicating those. I have seen two dates (in the last month alone) go off the rails because of the way the plans were handled…or not handled.
I’m not a big fan of universal rules when it comes to dating. I think that what’s most important is that the people involved are comfortable and are able to act somewhat naturally. With that said, many active daters use the first meeting as an opportunity to assess physical chemistry and, therefore, like to have an “out” in case they’re not attracted to their date.
When going out on a first date should the man offer to pick the woman up at home? Should the woman let him?
I have had female clients go into a first date already with a bad taste in their mouth because the man did not offer to pick them up. I have had female clients ask me what was wrong with the men who did offer to pick them up and I’ve had confused male clients ask me what the proper etiquette is.