Do we all agree that there’s no question more annoying to single people than “Why are you single?”. The truth is, there IS a reason…and it usually has a lot to do with the single person. This is not to say that there is something WRONG with them, or that they’re not worthy. It just means that they may be unknowingly sabotaging their own efforts. The good news, however, is that in most cases, it’s a solvable problem!
Excuse # 1: I’m very picky
As you should be! There are single people all over the world who are made to feel that they are “too picky” by well-intentioned family and friends. There is no such thing as being too picky. Unrealistic expectations, perhaps. People accused of being too picky typically work off a “checklist” and it’s the checklist, and not the single person, that is flawed.
Excuse # 2 (from a woman’s perspective): Men find me intimidating
Women who are independent, confident and ambitious tend to think this way, often mislead to believe this thanks to their well meaning and protective girl friends. This excuse used to be my favourite. Ladies – I have news for you. It’s not that men find you intimidating, it’s that they’re not convinced that you have a vagina. If you fall in to this category, you need to become (re)acquainted with your femininity, and it’s not at all about changing who you are. It’s about celebrating your feminine self!
Excuse # 3: I’m too busy to date
This one also used to be a personal favourite…until I learned that it’s a matter of prioritization. If finding a partner is high on your list, treat it as such – just as you would finding a new job. You’re not single because you’re too busy – even Barack finds time for Michelle – you’re single because you haven’t made it a priority not to be. And that’s OK…if that’s your choice, however, if you are bemoaning your single status, there are changes you can make – to your schedule, to your approach, to your perspective, etc.
Excuse # 4: I date the wrong men (women)
If you know this, then stop doing it!!! If only it were that simple, right? It’s true what “they” say – we tend to repeat patterns in our relationships. If you know (or your friends are telling you) that you’re choosing the “wrong” people, consider seeking the support of a therapist or dating coach to help you understand your choices, patterns of behaviour, where they come from and how to initiate positive change and growth.
Excuse # 5: I don’t want to get divorced.
This is a combination of “I’m too picky” and “I date the wrong people”, however, the underlying issue is fear. It really means: “I’m terrified of making the wrong choice”. I find this one particularly interesting because I remember saying it myself, yet here I am, years later, a divorce statistic. C’mon people. Nobody aspires to divorce. I personally took my vows very seriously and believe I did everything within my control to salvage the marriage. Some things are not worth saving, or are not able to be saved – because they were not meant to be in the first place. The key is understanding who you are, who you want to be with, and which goals you need to be aligned to (together)…before saying “I do”.