Theatre Dilemma

3 June 2013
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Here is a question that Sitting In A Tree received last week from one of our followers.  Please note the question, and Stacie’s response below.

The Skinny:

I am at present casually dating 3 women, who are gorgeous INSIDE and beautiful on the outside. I have not had any sexual relations with any of these women (and I don’t mean that in the Clinton sense). I have gone on 2 dates with each of them. Of the three, 1 really has my attention, let’s call her Time To Run (for some reason, I remember women by song names, and that song, is I think, befitting). Her and I have been on a couple of dates and have known each other for several years.  I think out of the women I’m currently seeing, there is the highest chance of a healthy long term relationship with her blossoming from our current courting. Time to Run and I have many common interests, including theatre.

I asked Time to Run to a play I’ve been eager to see all year, and as my luck would have it, she already has tickets.  So like the Stones said, “What to do, I really don’t know, I really don’t know what to do.”

I don’t wish to invite a male friend, perhaps I have poor social conceptions, but I enjoy going to see a show with a lovely woman, I think the theatre is an intimate and romantic venue and not the best place for me and a male friend. I don’t wish to take my mother because well, I don’t think this a play for her and my sister has already seen it. So I guess I have a few options and I’m sure there are others I’m missing or ideas I’ve not considered, your vast wealth of knowledge and experience is greatly appreciated.

My options as I see them and the pros and cons of each:

  1. Go with one of the other women I am seeing.
    1. Cons: I feel that would be a slap in the face to Time to Run and possibly be wedge in what could otherwise be a good fit.
  2. Go with a friend who is a married woman, or a lesbian
    1. Pros: I thought this would be a safe bet that allows me to go the theatre with a friend who is beautiful inside and out.
    2. Cons: There is something wrong with A) taking another person’s wife to the theatre and B) though she is pretty and we share a certain level of intimacy as a result of our friendship, it’s not the same type of intimacy
  3. Trade the tickets with someone for a later date and then take either TOT or someone else
    1. Any takers :-)
  4. Giving the tickets away is not an option, I want to see this play.

Thanks again,

Toronto Business Owner, 29


Stacie Says:

Toronto Business Owner,

First of all I would like to commend/compliment you on a few things:

1)      Your sense of romanticism

2)      Your use of, and focus on, intimacy

3)      Your ability to express yourself

4)      The time, thought and consideration for other people’s feelings that you have put into  this dilemma

5)      Your honesty – with yourself, and with me

Here are my suggested options:

1)      Similar to your #3, call the box office, post the tickets on Facebook/Kijiji/Craigslist/etc. and see if you can secure tickets for another evening.  That is assuming that TOT is going to want to see the play again, and with you.

2)      Take one of the other two women you are dating with the following caveat:  that you have a discussion with TOT beforehand to share your plans with her so that there are no surprises.  You do not owe her an explanation as you two have not yet established exclusivity and while she may be disappointed/surprised/hurt to learn that you have been seeing other people, part of what makes serial daters successful is their transparency, honesty and authenticity.  There is nothing wrong with dating multiple women at the same time – in fact, I encourage it (as long as you’re only being physically intimate with one of them – otherwise you’re just a douche bag) – but it’s better that all three women know upfront that they are – for now – not the only one.  Who knows?  Maybe after experiencing what you deem to be a romantic and intimate evening, the woman you take with you may move to the “top of your list” by pleasantly surprising you through her appreciation for and approach to the theatre.  Dating is a journey and should be rife with experimentation, spontaneity and pleasant little surprises along the way.

3)      Go to the play alone.  I know it’s something you want to share with a beautiful woman, however, doing social activities solo is character building and when you’re alone, open and doing something you genuinely enjoy, the possibilities for new opportunities, experiences and outcomes are endless.  What if an equally beautiful woman – a stranger – ends up with the second ticket that you presumably have sold to a stranger or friend of a friend of a friend?

4)      Bold move:  ask TOT if you can sit with her and her family.  J

Let us know what you decide and how it goes!  Remember – there is no “right” answer.  You have to do what you’re comfortable with, what you can live with and what feels good for you.  Whatever you decide, there will be “consequences” but they don’t always have to be of the negative variety.